I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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