Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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