Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm bleeding and have questions
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
