Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
