Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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