HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
