she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
