my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
