You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
