you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
