Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize