Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
