Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
