Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
