He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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