i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
