haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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