dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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