You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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