3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
