sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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