Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
