i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
