i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
