Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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