Umm I'm too high to move.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
