My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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