There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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