I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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