New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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