and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
