whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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