just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
