Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
