I just gift wrapped bread.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
