Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
