Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
