Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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