I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
