So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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