i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize