My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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