thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
