I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
where does the pee come out of this thing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
