Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
