You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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