Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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