Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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