I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
