bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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