Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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