You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
