i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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