they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got inside last night via doggy door
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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