Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
