I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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