I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
