Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
