I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
