i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
