omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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