i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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