I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
