Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
