he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
