She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
