There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
