Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
