Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
